The Most Important Election Ever, in History, and the World, and Space

Olympia, WA
It only seems like last year that Booth Gardner was standing on his podium demanding that Mr. Gorbachev tear down that wall, and yet here we are at another Governor election. I would assume by this point everyone is clear on the issues and the ideas the candidates plan on implementing, but I know the truth... No one gives a shit. So let's highlight a few topics here that are really in the hearts of the voters.

Rob McKenna                                                                Jay Inslee
Never been to Woodland Park Zoo                                Never been to Zoolights
Thinks Ashton is better on Two and a Half Men             Sheen, likes the original
Doesn't care for Apollo Ono's soul patch                       Beat Megan Quann in
                                                                                        a backstoke race
Once ate a spotted owl for survival                                Doesn't believe in bald eagles
Total ski bum                                                                  Scared to drive over the pass
Applebee's                                                                      Olive Garden
Sleeps till noon on Saturdays                                         Goes to bed at noon

This should help clear up any questions you had about the candidates. And be sure to get out there and vote, because if you don't, no one will win...Or someone will still win, I guess it doesn't matter.