Seattle proposes new Yessler Terrace...A Perfect Escape Plan for Kidnappers!

Feb 13, 2014,

If you live anywhere near seattle you have probably found yourself at one point trying to walk up 10th Ave to get to Boren Ave only to discover it is a dead end. With the new development planned by the city council, those days are about to come to end. The new stairwell/ramp up the hillside seems like the perfect plan to connect these communities...or is it?

At first glance, everyone seems to be enjoying a typical Seattle day hanging out on the north end of the International District. But a closer look and you will see an underground train of child abduction. The masterminds behind this plan want you to believe this is a beautifying project, when it is actually a pathway for children to start a life in the downtown sweatshops. The new stairwell makes this process so easy, children can even be hauled away two at a time! And the only person trying to prevent this injustice is confined to a wheelchair who is consistently blocked by a man wearing a white sweater. If you see any of these people, report them immediately.

The Men's Corner: Tips on Fashion, Romance, and Etiquette for the Gentleman

Feb 10, 2014,

Valentine's Day is this week. Seriously, go ahead and complain but it doesn't do you any good. You are going to have to deal with it. But don't worry, we are here to help. Right now it is probably too late to get reservations at a nice restaurant. Even though you really didn't want to because it's going to be so busy and you're going to have to drive around looking for parking while your girlfriend or wife keeps saying, "I think that's a spot!" And you can clearly tell that it's not a spot but you have to drive by and show her that it is a driveway because it's Valentine's Day.

So what to do. You already took the easy road this Christmas and bought her a Russell Wilson jersey, which couldn't have turned out better. Go ahead and pat yourself on the back for that one. And if you come home from work with a Safeway bouquet and a bottle of your favorite wine again this year, it won't go well. Plus, the Safeway parking lot is so crowded on Valentine's Day. You have to park way in the back and everyone just walks in front of your car and expects you to stop because they are on foot. So avoid that headache and head over to the International Market and get ready to make her the romantic meal she has been dreaming of.

Valentine's Day is the most romantic day of the year and its origins can be traced back to where all love originally comes from, Bangkok. And one of the romantic traditions there is to make your loved one an egg salad sandwich. But you have to do it right.

Lady's Choice Sandwich Spread comes directly from Thailand and is made with the woman in mind. Don't just go out and buy any mayonnaise for this egg salad sandwich, make sure you choose the one that is specifically engineered for the delicate digestive tract of a woman. She will appreciate it as it easily moves down her feminine esophagus, around her dainty cardia, and through that cute little duodenum. Plus, Lady's Choice is guaranteed 99% GERM FREE. Try to find out how many germs are in other brands, they don't even label it!

So surprise her this year with this ancient romantic tradition. She will know that love is in the year as the smell of hard boiled eggs drifts throughout the house. And put that shit on a plate, don't just wrap it in a paper towel and hand it to her. This is Valentine's Day. Also, it might help if you have a good buzz on when she comes home, you're a lot nicer when you've been drinking.